My pursuit for career and life happiness started to take an
interesting turn April 2010 during a women’s retreat when I discovered my
Enneagram type. It was the beginning of
my career exploration journey that took my interesting twists and turns that
you will discover in this blog.
Ten of us were on our way to a workshop at Haven on Gabriola
Island. At the ferry terminal it was so
stormy that the power went out in the restaurant where we were eating and they
cancelled all the ferries for the day.
My friend, who is a mom of three young children, agreed with
me that there was no way we were going home yet. We needed the break away from home…we desperately needed a
retreat with adult conversation and talking and no interruptions for at least
72 hours.
Luckily, we had a connection to another location. We could rent a condo in Whistler together
and share the costs. At least being at Horseshoe Bay, we were already part way
there.
How would we turn
this time together into a retreat?
Yummy food, wine, hot tub, walking to the Whistler shops and cafes,
tarot card readings and what about Enneagram exploration Cara suggested.
Little did we know that our friend Leonara was an Enneagram
expert and before we knew it, Leonara was asking us what we knew about the
enneagram. One approach is to go
on-line to the Enneagram Institute
and do the test yourself or read the book
At first when Leonara asked about our characteristics, I wasconvinced that I was an Ennegram 9 Peacemaker. Yes, I facilitate meetings and
want to keep people happy and have done conflict resolution and I’m indirect
and very diplomatic. It sounded good as
it came out of my mouth. Leonara agreed that this was a place to start but that
just reading a description isn’t necessarily how we are…..it may simply be what
we wish or hope to be or happen to be that way sometimes.
“It’s how you respond in emotional situations that really
counts” said Leonara.
We decided to buy some groceries to make brunch and when
Tanya brought everything into the kitchen, I offered to make the eggs. Even before I started to make the eggs,
Tanya was telling me how to do it. Normally
I might just agree but this time I stood up to her and said “I’m doing it my
way and if you want to do it differently, then do it yourself.”
When we spread out the tarot cards, I decided to do
something a little different and it surprised my friends. And as the weekend
progressed, Leonara suggested that instead of being a 9 Peacemaker that I might
instead be an 8 Challenger.
personality type Eight The Challenger because, of
all the types, Eights enjoy taking on challenges themselves as well as giving
others opportunities that challenge them to exceed themselves in some way.
Eights are charismatic and have the physical and psychological capacities to
persuade others to follow them into all kinds of endeavors—from starting a
company, to rebuilding a city, to running a household, to waging war, to making
peace.
Eights have enormous willpower and
vitality, and they feel most alive when they are exercising these capacities in
the world.”
My idea to attend
the Justice Institute and take training to become a mediator suddenly seemed
like a poor idea and Leonara wondered whether I would really thrive in that
type of environment. Instead I would prefer to challenge and argue with others.
“Do you mean like a lawyer?” I asked tentatively. “Yes, totally like a lawyer and why do you
say that” she asked. “When I was in Grade 11, I had decided to become a lawyer
and pursued that in a very focused way into my third year of university and as
a co-op student. But I am became
disillusioned with the legal profession during my time as a legal research
assistant and decided that it wasn’t the right direction for me. What if I was wrong and what if becoming a
lawyer is exactly the career direction that will suit my personality” I
concluded. I started to feel excited and wondered if this new idea would fly
with Nyjal.
This week was not easy and actually I’d been worried about this moment every since Nyjal and I separated. How would I handle my life and everything if the kids and/or I were sick? Luckily, the last time we were sick was almost a year ago and I think it’s quite a good sign that we have been through this huge life transition and it’s been over 6 months being healthy. Interestingly, it wasn’t that different than when we were together.
Fortunately, I cancelled some committments, dragged myself to a few, and rested as much as possible. I was quiet, patient, resting lots with both kids and just taking it one day at a time. At one point, I felt like i had been hit by a truck..it was rough and I could hardly sleep because my mind kept running overtime.
Finally, today we were all fairly well and I decided we could get back into our old routine and we did in the morning and managed to get to the door fed, happy and ready on time. I suggested to Flax that he ride his bike to school so the walk is faster. He has a new balance bike without pedals which is good to practice but isn’t that great going up hills which we need to do in the morning. I explained to him that this wouldn’t work well and that I didn’t have the energy to push him the whole way (which is harder on that bike than his one with training wheels) again he insisted so i sighed and we left..
Well, five minutes into our journey it was evident that this bike wasn’t going to do the trick and I would have to carry it the whole way. Instead of saving me time, it was adding to my load. I just felt so angry about everything all of a sudden. I threw down the bike and his bag stomped off and starting crying. After a couple of moments, I picked the bike and bag up again and proceeded to walk up the hill keeping the tears back. I was relieved to drop the kids off at school because I realized how much I needed some time alone.
I managed to get myself to English Bay and just sent my anger, frustration and tears toward the ocean and as I wailed against all who had done me wrong that week and the week prior I started to feel better. Later on I left a slightly frustrated phone call to Nyjal about it but without all the vengance from earlier and I’m glad about that. Thanks English bay for taking my anger today and calming me down.
Andrea.
Unexpected Transitions
We sold our house on June 30th, 2010 followed by
two months of camping and being part of my grandfather’s 90th
birthday. His party was one of the best
family gatherings I can remember in a long time because everyone was relaxed
and it was a birthday rather than a funeral.
By September, we expected to sell our business and sail off
to SE Asian en route to New Zealand for a new start as a family. As my camping adventures continued into the
summer, the business was not selling and Nyjal wasn’t available to me either
physically or emotionally. This wasn’t
the first time I had been on vacation alone with the kids because he couldn’t
get away for business reasons. I
started to remember about seven different trips over the past 5 years and how
lonely I had felt on those vacations and how I was so tired of feeling that way
and feeling more and more sure that Nyjal wasn’t going to change.
It was our final stop in Kamloops at a timeshare in a
“honeymoon” suite that had a soaker tub, matching robes and complimentary
breakfast everyday up at SunPeaks resort that I realized what I really wanted
in a partner and how it wasn’t happening in our relationship.
The fact that Nyjal is an early bird who never sleeps in or
the fact that I needed someone to talk to about all the intensity with camping
and family, leaving a community I had lived in for 12 years and giving away
most of my belongings.
I realized that I am searching for a companion who can sip
juice in the robes and wants to take a vacation at least three times a year and
can talk about his feelings and emotions with me day-to-day.
According to Marilyn Sorensen of “Breaking the Chain of Low
Self-Esteem” I am seeking a relationship that few people ever achieve in their
lifetime yet it’s what I crave. “The
Intimacy Level”- At this level we are able to share our deepest feelings,
concerns, most embarrassing moments, and pain without any fear of reprisal; we
feel fully loved and accepted by the other….This level of communication can
only be achieved through a growing and abiding trust that has developed over
time between two mature individuals….it requires tender loving care to
maintain.
The fact that Nyjal had started a relationship with someone
else seemed on the surface to be the reason we separated but it was simply the
final straw on a relationship that lacked the emotional intimacy I craved. And the physical intimacy that wasn’t
happening enough for him because I needed the emotional intimacy to feel
motivated on the physical level.
I am now living in Vancouver and training to become an
employment counsellor, we are sharing the kids and it’s been intense and
emotional on every level. We have both
been careful, kind and respectful to each other including making our agreements
through a family mediation project that was very affordable. The business is now sold and that is a
relief and was sad and more intense than I imagined.
I’m not sure when I will know that I have the capacity to
offer someone emotional intimacy in a relationship and whether I can give and
take on this level or attract someone like that but nonetheless, it will be on
my new vision poster on April 3….the Aries New Moon and I look forward to that
adventure when I am ready.
Andrea.
When Amber turned three, a great-aunt sent her a dress-up chest. And even though I had no intention of having a princess for a daughter….well Amber was the princess. She loved pink, dolls, jewellry, dressing up in cute clothes and dancing through the atrium. Her favourite book for two years in a row was called “Double Pink”. We renewed it from the library so many times that someone gave it to her for Xmas.
Amber is almost seven is now finishing grade one. And one day, about six months ago, I noticed that she really preferred almost all of the time to wear comfy yoga style pants. Her new favourite color was orange and she wanted to wear clothes that allowed her to turn cartwheels more easily.
Our neighbour Mina just turned three and I suggested that Amber pass down her princess crown, wand and outfits to Mina and it’s a perfect match.
Despite my feminist, anti-Barbie stance, I kind of loved her princess phase and I kind of miss it now to be honest.
AND bring on those cartwheels Amber, you rock!
love,
mom.
HI Kidstuff posting,
An appreciation for my neighbour*….
(*some names have been changed)
Today Flax and Nate were playing in the atrium together for quite a
while just fine and then suddenly it wasn’t working and while we noticed
it as Nate was about to perhaps hit Flax with a tennis racket, I also
knew that I’m sure there was two-to-tango on this one and they were both
needing attention or change or something. I spoke quietly to Flax and
my neighbour spoke quietly with Nate and we went home for a while and when
Flax decided (after a snack) to come back out, Nate came to apologize.
Personally I wasn’t looking/wanting or expecting anything from Nate and
my sense was that he said it to reconnect to Flax so they could play
again.
And so they did for another hour or so and then the tables turned and I
heard some yelling in the atrium and in conversation with Flax something
had been happening a bit more on his end and when we talked he said he
wanted to keep playing and I suggested that he talk to Nate. I didn’t
push him to apologize or to say anything really, he just spontaneously
decided to do that himself b/c he wanted to re-bridge with Nate to play
again. And then after Nate had some more dinner they did play again.
What really worked for me and I appreciated about the situation was that
I felt that both my neighbour and I (please correct me if I’m wrong) were
wanting to find out what was happening, to focus on the need’s of our
own child and then to the relationship and it felt like an atmosphere of
acceptance and one where neither of us seemed to find it necessary to
blame either child or each other for the conflicts that were happening
in the relationships and that we could develop in an organic way with
some listening and facilitation of their needs (in this case- hunger) on
our part as parents.
I have sometimes struggled emotionally with situations at Windsong with
the kids when it feels like there needs to be someone to blame in the
situation. And I’ve struggled with it on both ends…when I’ve felt
social pressure to “blame my child” for a situation where I was pretty
sure it probably involved both parties in some way and when I’ve felt I
should rescue/agree with a forced apology from someone else’s child when
it probably wasn’t as much their fault as it seemed.
It takes “two-to-tango” is a strong parenting philosophy for me I’m
starting to realize and that I prefer to focus on taking appropriate
action given the needs of the children and adults in the situation if
there is a conflict and skipping over the blame aspect.
I’ve had a number of conversations with Nyjal when something will go
sideways for us and I’m ready to do my best to just deal with the
situation and he wants to find someone to blame first. “can’t we just
skip that step? I now ask him.” I’m not suggesting that if there is an
important issue to discuss that we avoid it by being nice or pretending
things are fine…it’s more like the NVC model. Express in specific
concrete details the situation, express the feelings, state the needs
and make a request.
What I like about communicating in writing in e-mail is that I have some
time to reflect on situations and understand them for myself before I
communicate them. The drawback is that not everyone reads it but at
least it starts getting ideas out there.
I enjoy many discussion formats and I think they are all useful
depending on the topic, situation and the persons involved. I find
writing e-mails much easier than one-on-one and I also find group
discussions a safe and easier format to bring up difficult topics than
one-on-one sometimes because the group can help balance the energy and
it creates safety for me. I may be unusual in this regard and I think
this may be her point that sometimes it can feeling scary or
intimidating to approach someone directly….having that happen in a
group can make that easier for people sometimes. particularly if the
people are new to each other and/or not in a strong relationship.
I don’t have any particular concerns myself about anyone right
now….the issue that I have mentioned above and it’s taken me a couple
of years (this has been an issue with me since Amber and Jeff would
get into fisty cuffs with each other) to really atriculate this concern
for me. It’s hard to believe that it’s taken me this long to figure it
out! oh well better late than never I guess!!
any thoughts and input are welcomed. i’m willing to facilitate a meeting
about our issues and concerns but i couldn’t facilitate a meeting that
involved me talking about my issue as above b/c i certainly wouldn’t be
neutral. other topics, like the trampoline….perhaps!
Cheers,
Andrea.
p.s. I’ve had many positive parenting through conflict experiences with
everyone here at Windsong at many times so I have an overall
appreciation for everyone in that regard. It was just today that I
finally had the A-HA moment while it was unfolding and then further
tonight when I went to bed!.
A new client asked me to help her build up her upper body muscles because she “hates doing it”. “What do you hate about it” I ask as someone who loves to pump weight. “It’s boring” she replied. I’ve noticed with a few of my clients who aren’t natural exercisers and tend to have an endomorph (softer, rounder, tends to put on weight) body type that prefers comfort and relaxation is that they just don’t have the same motivation or drive for exercise as someone like me who is more of a mesomorph (muscular body type). Mesomorphs just want to move and go…..they don’t have to push or motivate themselves…they just naturally make it happen.
So an endomorph body type person isn’t lazy or uninformed that exercise is important…their body just doesn’t drive them toward exercise like others with a more muscular body type.
Still, smart people with every body type understand that exercise is IMPORTANT for HEALTH and they want to make it happen.
1. Get with a buddy so you can CHAT and pump. Pump weights, ride the bike and do it side by side so you can chat. Next time you are wavering about whether to exercise or not, think about the great conversation you had with your buddy.
2. Chat to a MomCoach and feel listened and heard. So many of us with busy lives just want to connect and feel heard about our lives. As a MomCoach, I’m not scared off by your personal life….we create a confidential environment that works for you and keeps you motivated.
3. Listen to a Podcast or bicycle while watching your favourite TV show.
4. After the exercise, enjoy a hot tub or sauna with your friends and remember the sweet rewards of exercise through the pleasure afterwards.
If you really want fast results, it’s always better to focus exclusively on the exercise only and if chatting and budding up is the difference between making it happen or not, GO FOR THE CHAT in a safe environment.
EXERCISE PLUS HUMAN CONNECTION will help you keep the movement committment for 2010.
Cheers,
Andrea.
Create Your Own Outdoor Workout
by Andrea Welling, BA, MA.
The sun is shining, the weather is warm and you are ready to take your baby and/or kids out for a walk. Your renewed spring energy encourages you to pump up that walking workout a bit more. Here are a few suggestions to increase your strength, stretch and endurance:
1. Buy a stretchy resistance band. It’s small and light and can easily fit into a stroller. Buy one with enough tension. Do the following exercises:
a) Lat Pulldown- Pull the band apart in front of your chest- focus on the back
b) Bicep- Step on the middle of the tube. Curl the handles toward your body.
c) Butt & Thigh- Step on the middle of the tube. Lift the handles to waist or shoulder height. Move side-to-side.
d) Triceps- Wrap the tube around a tree. Facing away from the tree, extend each arm outward starting at 90 degrees.
2. Remember to stretch after your workout. Try a Standing Hamstring Tilt, grab your shoelaces with your hand to stretch those hardworking Thighs, press each heel into the ground for a Calf Stretch, clasp your hands behind your back and lift for a Chest Stretch.
3. Try part walking/part brisk walking or light jogging. Add in skipping, galloping or knees up to increase your heart rate.
4. Walk through a treed area or forest and take in the extra oxygen and life healing energy that trees give to all of us and the planet.
HAVE FUN!
Andrea Welling, BA, MA. BCRPA Certified
Life Coach and Personal Trainer
#31 20543 96th Avenue. Langley, BC V1M 3W3
604.513.8976 andrea@momcoach.ca www.momcoach.ca
Be Gentle on Yourself
by Andrea Welling, BA, MA.
After 20 hours of intense, frustrating and exhausting labour, your plans for a natural child birth change. The obstetrician recommends a C-section and you agree because you are already traumatized, dehydrated and exhausted.
The next morning, your beautiful new baby, twinkles her eyes at you as you gently caress her little toes and fingers. She’s exactly what you wanted and it feels right.
Your best friend coos and loves the new baby but you are in tears as you tell her your story.
“I wasn’t expecting this to be so hard and for the birth to be traumatic. It was surprising how it all happened so fast and I can hardly catch up. This transition to motherhood is so much more than another work project. I feel all alone” you say through tears to your friend.
“Remember to be gentle on yourself. Becoming a new mom isn’t easy because it’s one of the greatest changes ever in your life.” she says wisely.
We enjoy the gift of homemade soup that she brought and it begins to replenish your body and spirit. She refills my water bottle many times as we talk about the birth story. She’s great at listening to my story and allowing me to express myself without advice or judgment and I really feel heard and acknowledged.
Later on, we take the baby on a short walk around the hospital and it feels great to move again even for only 15 minutes. My friend also gives me a journal so I can write and reflect on my experiences as a new mom. We make a self-care date for massages in a couple of weeks once I’m able to leave the baby easily with my husband.
As she leaves, she hugs me and reassures me that I am capable as a new mom. I’m so appreciative of my friend’s visit and it reminds that my physical and emotional self-care is priority number one.
A couple of weeks later, as planned, my friend and I both enjoy our massages. You are such a great “MomCoach” I told her. Thanks for the support.
Andrea Welling, BA, MA. BCRPA Certified
Life Coach and Personal Trainer
#31 20543 96th Avenue. Langley, BC V1M 3W3
604.513.8976 andrea@momcoach.ca www.momcoach.ca
Ouch! My first baby was 9 months old and we went swimming together. I placed her in her car seat and swung around to pick the car seat up and OUCH! I pulled my back out. The first time ever in my life…I was not happy.
I asked my massage therapist and chiropractor how I could avoid this in the future and they both recommended that I strengthen my CORE muscles.
As our babies get bigger and heavier, our bodies need to get stronger to keep up with the baby’s weight gain. Our babies usually start at a weight between 7-12lbs and most women can handle that weight easily.
At 2lbs/month, by 6 months, our babies can often double their weight and soon we are trying to carry around a 20lb baby plus a car seat and gear.
Part of changing how we lift is changing our minds about what we are actually doing when we lift. We have a tendency to think that we use our backs to lift heavy objects. Instead we want to begin to change our minds to focus on different body parts when lifting heavy objects…..bending knees and engaging our CORE.
Picking Up Our Growing Babies
Step 1
Bend your knees to lift baby is the first step. Think about bending down to baby before you pick them up instead of tipping over at the back. Avoid twisting your back around to grab baby.
Step 2
After bending down to get baby, consciously tell yourself to initiate a kegel (PF lift) and then to engage your core muscles specifically your Transverse Abdominis (TA) pulling your hip bones together. Once this is engaged move to….
Step 3
Lift and move. Keep that CORE (kegel plus TA) engaged as walk and move about holding your baby.
Step 4
After using your conscious mind to create this pattern, (give yourself 2 months or so) you will have this new back saving habit that will eventually kick in automatically without conscious reminders. It worked for me!
Result: Stronger core, healthier back and baby can be in mom’s arms for longer with less fatigue!
–
Andrea Welling, BA, MA.
Certified Lifestyle Coach & Personal Trainer
MOMCOACH.ca- Love yourself as a Mom
andrea@momcoach.ca
604.513.8976
Sad, glad, mad, bored, frustrated. Do you express how you feel in the moment or tell anyone about it?
Many of us learn early in life that expressing our feelings gets us into trouble. We ignore, suppress or selectively vent our feelings (sometimes in unhealthy ways). We rarely cry and if we do it is usually alone or in a dark movie theatre.
As your new baby starts to cry to get its needs met for food, sleep and comfort, it may feel disconcerting to hear so much crying. It may surprise, scare or worry you at first especially if you haven’t spent much time with children or babies. If you are successful at meeting the needs of your baby’s cry, you may feel accomplished and then dreadfully incompetent when your baby seems inconsolable.
As a teenager, I felt upset and concerned about children crying in supermarkets. It pushed my emotional caretaking buttons and I made a decision that when I had children that I wouldn’t let them cry.
I was heartbroken after my emergency C-section to hear my new baby crying in my husband’s arms and feeling guilty that she should’ve been with me on the breast happy and satisfied. I kept those feelings inside.
When we could finally nurse, we were quiet and happy together and I was so relieved. Whenever she was upset, I would nurse her and it worked. I felt in control and that I could meet her needs.
We were in a routine where I would hold or carry her most of the time and nurse her to sleep or back to sleep whenever she woke up. Whenever she cried, I had the breast ready. I felt happy. I had this whole thing figured out…it was the boobs. And she didn’t get upset. What a relief.
I couldn’t leave her or put her down and that was okay because that’s what she needed.
At the four month mark our routine changed. Sometimes, even after breastfeeding, Amber would cry. She wouldn’t go back to sleep and she would cry in frustration. I tried everything and I didn’t know what to do. I felt so frustrated and incompetent and confused. Eventually she would settle herself down and fall asleep.
I started to resent the fact I had no time for myself and she wasn’t giving me the space I needed. I felt conflicted.
Just trying to separate from her a small amount was traumatic for me. She cried and cried and the only answer seemed to be to let her nurse and nurse again.
I also started to realize that my need to caretake and manage her crying was more important than allowing us both to express our feelings in the moment. My feelings were becoming dependent on her feelings and this was not what I wanted as the basis of our relationship.
As I researched the topic of expressing feelings, I discovered a therapist whose advice to new parents was to allow children to honestly express their feelings because most of her clients were in therapy because they were completely detached from their feelings.
Most children are told that crying is for sissies, to stop crying because it’s bothering other people, “she’s okay actually”, “you’re okay” (is said to the child when it is obviously not true), “don’t upset your father/brother/the clerk/new playmate”, “stop, this is upsetting me” and the message becomes clear that the parent is more interested in keeping everyone else happy instead of supporting the child. The message gets translated that if you want to please me and others, stay happy or at least act happy regardless of your real feelings.
As difficult as it may be, the therapist concluded, the healthiest choice in building a relationship with your children is to let them express how they feel and that their emotional expression usually has little to do with you.
As Amber became a toddler, my decision to let her express her feelings was tested. Her first tantrum in the supermarket was a chance for me to breathe, breathe & breathe. I had to ignore the looks from shoppers and focus on her. I had to tame my temptation to get angry at her, feel guilty and worry about losing face. After a minute or two, we could quietly leave.
I started to learn that despite her young age, Amber was her own person and my attempts to control, pacify and distract her were sometimes ways to keep me from feeling and to maintain the illusion that I am in control.
As a parent, I am responsible for Amber’s safety and well-being. As a person, I’m her life coach to help her navigate the big world and all of its fun and frustrations.
Amber is five now and we play cards together and sometimes when I win she gets mad and cries. After a minute or two she recovers and we keep playing. When I lose, I cry, well I try to cry or I pretend to cry…I try to express some emotion. She’s much better at it than me and that’s how she’s my coach.
–
Andrea Welling, BA, MA.
Certified Lifestyle Coach & Personal Trainer
MOMCOACH.ca- Love yourself as a Mom
andrea@momcoach.ca
604.513.8976
Welcome to the MOMCOACH Wall.
Supporting New Moms in the Transition to Motherhood.
Feel free to comment!
E-mail: andrea@momcoach.ca
Ph: 604-513-8976
Sign up at momcoach.ca for a Free Session.
Cheers,
Andrea Welling, BA, MA. BCRPA Certified.
Certified Life Coach and Personal Trainer.
***************************************************
The Unexpected
by Andrea Welling, BA, MA.
You are six months pregnant and you look fabulous. Everyone compliments your glowing skin and gorgeous belly. You are still working and it all feels right.
You are fit and healthy and are planning a straightforward birth with your doctor. You and your husband are busy juggling many projects and since you’ve managed multiple projects simultaneously you’re confident that birth and motherhood will be a walk in the park (isn’t that what new moms do all the time anyway?).
Your baby decides to be overdue which is surprising. Your parents planned a visit over the time of the due date and they have to leave tomorrow before the baby is even born. It’s been great to see them so you say good-bye without much thought to what’s ahead.
Your doctor recommends an induction but you decide to wait a bit longer because you want the baby to come naturally. Four more days past and you start to worry. You try induction massages, sex, drinking a small amount of wine, exercise and homeopathy to jumpstart the contractions but still nothing is happening.
The doctor pressures you to start the induction immediately and so you agree. The next 20 hours are frustrating and exhausting. Since you and the baby aren’t ready, the induction doesn’t really work and the labour stops and starts and stops and starts.
Eventually, the obstetrician recommends a C-section and you agree because you are already traumatized, dehydrated and exhausted and unable to imagine what other options would be possible.
As you wake up the next day with the new baby, the shock of the unexpected sinks in. Emergency C-section, new baby, no parents and a busy husband who promises to be back soon…and you suddenly feel very alone.
As the job of being a new mom begins, you push your feelings aside as you struggle to figure out nursing, changing, holding the infant and getting some sleep. You move slowly and carefully feeling very tender from the surgery and trying to manage the best you can while still hooked up to the IV and catheter.
Your best friend brings flowers to the hospital when she visits you and you are in tears as you tell her your story.
“I wasn’t expecting this to be so hard and for the birth to be traumatic. It was surprising how it all happened so fast and I can hardly catch up. This transition to motherhood is so much more than another work project” you say through tears to your friend.
“Call me anytime and I’ll do my best to support you.” she says as she hugs me.
“After I had my second baby and another unexpected C-section, I was a wreck and I really needed someone to help me process the experience. I did feel some post partum blues but it wasn’t that serious to call it a depression. I just needed time to process this huge emotional experience and feel direct support for my own well-being” she explained.
“So I hired a life coach for six months and during those weekly calls it was my time to tell my story, express my grievances and to journal my struggles in a confidential and non-judgmental environment. I felt like a failure as a mother not being able to birth my children naturally.”
“The coaching gave me the support to understand my experience from a different perspective and then to be able to move on and thrive as a new mom and not just survive with that unfinished emotional experience hanging around my neck.” She said.
“Give her a call. It’s worth it. I’ll be back tomorrow with some healing soup, your favourite chocolates and some more cushions for your back. I’d offer more to help you myself but I’m so busy with my own young kids right now that it may be hard for me to give you the focus and attention a coach can offer.” she explained.
Although you are feeling drained and exhausted, you start bonding with your beautiful new baby and your husband is so excited to hold her. He loves the coaching idea because he knows he’s not always the best listener and he agrees with your best friend that it’s important for you to feel lots of support right now.
Andrea Welling, BA, MA. BCRPA Certified
Life Coach and Personal Trainer
#31 20543 96th Avenue. Langley, BC V1M 3W3
604.513.8976 andrea@momcoach.ca www.momcoach.ca
Welcome to the MOMCOACH Wall.
Supporting New Moms in the Transition to Motherhood.
Feel free to comment!
E-mail: andrea@momcoach.ca
Ph: 604-513-8976
Sign up at momcoach.ca for a Free Session.
Cheers,
Andrea Welling, BA, MA. BCRPA Certified.
Certified Life Coach and Personal Trainer.
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I recently saw Charlotte Diamond in concert at a small community center and she’s still amazing. She can sing the “May There Always Be Sunshine” song in English, French, Spanish, Russian, Cantonese and when asked to sing it in Dutch, she paused for a moment and tried on a few words “No, that’s Norwegian” she said and suddenly switched to Dutch. I was impressed.
While my daughter knew some words from the songs, surprisingly, I seemed to know almost all the lyrics. As I sang a-long to Four Hugs-A-Day, tears welled in my eyes as I remembered being a new mom with Amber and how the song had kept my lonely mind occupied while I cooked and cleaned with her when she was a baby.
At the beginning I felt guilty letting baby Amber watch videos because a well meaning adult had sent an e-mail saying that young children’s brains are negatively affected by television.
I felt somewhat justified because she was watching videos and not TV and missing all the commercials but really it was a way for me to cope and find some time to get some tasks done.
Prior to motherhood, I prided myself on my high level of productivity and efficiency. With a new baby, it was humbling but also frustrating how little you would accomplish in a day. The educational videos gave me back some of my ability to be productive and it was so gratifying to make dinner without interruptions.
Tonite when my husband Nyjal arrived home and I’d spent a considerable amount of time cleaning dishes, cooking dinner, even making a dessert while managing to keep Flax happy. Nyjal’s “suggestion” to a question I asked suddenly felt like so much extra work. He was trying to be helpful. I’ve had this conversation too many times with my husband. I just want some acknowledgement, contact and appreciation and he’s trying to problem solve or critique.
After I tell him specifically what doesn’t work and BLAH, blah, BLAH, I decided to turn on Charlotte Diamond to keep the kids happy.
Four hugs a day- that’s the minimum. Amber starts hugging me and Nyjal and Flax too at least five times. Sometimes when you are a mom and definitely a new mom, all you want is a hug and a “great job, honey” and that’s it. Nothing needs to be changed, fixed or solved. Nothing four hugs can’t soothe.
Thanks Charlotte for knowing exactly what a mom needs!
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Andrea Welling, BA, MA.
Certified Lifestyle Coach & Personal Trainer
MOMCOACH.ca- Love yourself as a Mom
andrea@momcoach.ca
604.513.8976